We should
choose the friend that believes in and abide by our religion
(Islam) and gives great respect to what Allah (SWT) and Prophet
Muhammad (saw) had ordered us. And we should stay away from the one who is
not well mannered and gives no attention to what Islam is about or what
pleases or displeases Allah (SWT), for he will surely affect us negatively.
There is no good if the companion drowns us in sins and displeasing Allah
(SWT). The bases for the actions of those who follow the evil ways are
corrupt; their actions are built upon misguidance and deviation.
Good friends are those who share
with their companions both happiness and sadness. If we share our feelings
with the wrongdoers whose actions are worthless and based on corruption, then
we are following the same ways and standards as they are doing, and we will
end up being as corrupt as they are, and then we are in a big trouble, how
can we face Allah's (SWT) dissatisfaction and displeasure? Instead of making
friends with the misguided ones we should befriend the righteous, yet treat
the rest in a gracious and just manner. Staying at sufficient distance is
necessary; yet treating everybody in a noble and kind manner is required.
The danger of having corrupt
friends isn't confined to the worldly life. Such friendships produce
repentance on the Day of Resurrection, too!
Allah
(SWT), the Exalted says in the Noble Qur'an: "And (remember)
the day when the unjust one shall bite his hands saying: O! Would that I had
taken a way with the Messenger! O woe is me! Would that I had not taken such
a one for a friend! Certainly he led me astray from the reminder after it had
come to me;" (Surah Al-Furqan, 25:27-29)
The two main regrets on the day of
judgement are (1) Not following Prophet Muhammad (saw) on the path of
guidance and (2) Befriending a person who diverted one from the truth.
Imam Ali ibn Abi Talib (as) has
said: "The felicity of this and the next world lie in two things:
firstly, keeping secrets; and secondly, friendship with the good. And the
miseries of this and the next world are summed up in two things: firstly, divulging
secrets; and secondly, friendship with wicked persons."
So take heed before the inevitable
day of judgement comes and we are reckoned for our acts.
Allah (SWT), the Exalted says in
the Noble Qur'an: "Friends on that Day will be enemies one to another, except
al-Muttaqun (i.e. those who have Taqwa/Piety)." (Surah Az-Zukhruf,
43:67)
It is wise to choose moderation in
dealing with friends. Excessive love and confidence in friends are
unacceptable since it happens that a friend may change into an enemy and use
the secrets that he had shown as weapons.
Allah (SWT), the Exalted says in
the Noble Qur'an: "And cooperate in righteousness and piety, but do not
cooperate in sin and aggression." (Surah Al-Maeda, 5:2)
Imam Ali ibn Abi Talib (as) said:
"When you cherish someone you should cherish him moderately for he may
be your enemy someday, and when you hate someone you should hate him
moderately for he may be your friend someday." Also said: "If you
intend to cut yourself off from a friend, leave some scope for him from your
side by which he may resume friendship if it so occurs to him some day."
Imam Jafar Sadiq (as) said:
"The secrets that you must show before your friends are only those
through which your enemies cannot harm you, for a friend may change into an
enemy."
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When choosing our
friends we should ask ourselves first: Are they going to help us achieve the
purpose for which we were brought to life? Or will they take us away from it?
Will they desire for us Allah's (SWT) pleasure or is that completely
irrelevant to them and not their concern at all? Are they leading us to
Paradise or to the Hell?
Imam Muhammad al-Baqir (as)
narrates from his father who said, "O my son don't befriend five types
of people:
1. Don't befriend a liar (Kadhib).
For a liar is like a mirage. He shows the distant as near and the near as
distant. He will always deceive you and trouble you.
2. Don't befriend a transgressor
(Ghasib). For he will forsake you for a paltry sum and make your sins appear
very alluring to you. He will make you a victim of Allah's chastisement
through his petty sins and take you farther away from His obedience and
satisfaction. He will make Allah's worship appear as His disobedience, and
His disobedience as His worship. He will drag you along with himself in the
fire of hell.
3. Never befriend a miser
(Bakheel/Kanjus). For in your time of need and distress, he will withhold his
wealth from you, while he is in a position to assist you. (He values his
wealth more than anything else. And to that end he is prepared to forsake
even his friends)
4. Do not befriend a fool (Ahmaq).
For (in his foolishness) he will harm you while he intends to help you. (That
is why it is said, 'A shrewd enemy is better than a foolish friend')
5. Don't befriend the one who
breaks relations (with his relatives/Khata Rahmi). For, such a person has
been cursed in the Noble Qur'an in three places. He is engrossed in his own
affairs with scant regard for others. (Friendship with such a person will
eventually lead the individual towards sins and disobedience of Allah)"
Imam
Ali ibn Abi Talib (as) said: "Do not befriend a sinner
(Fasiq/Fajir) because he will sell you for a morsel."
Imam Sajjad (as) said: "Do
not make anyone your enemy even though you consider him harmless and do not
turn down a person's friendship even if you think he will not benefit
you."
The Noble Qur'an says, "The
hypocritical men and the hypocritical women are all alike; they enjoin evil
and forbid good and withhold their hands; they have forsaken Allah, so He has
forsaken them; surely the hypocrites are the transgressors." (Surah
Al-Tawba, 9:67)
On the other hand, Noble Qur'an discusses
the believers in the following manner, "And (as for) the believing men
and the believing women, they are guardians of each other; they enjoin good
and forbid evil and keep up prayer and pay the poor-rate, and obey Allah and
His Messenger; (as for) these, Allah will show mercy to them; surely Allah is
Mighty, Wise." (Surah Al-Tawba, 9:71)
The two Qur'anic verses mentioned
above only go to show how critical a role friendship can play in our lives. A
true friend then, is the one who takes us closer to Allah's (SWT) compassion
and grace.
Having deliberated at length on
who should not be befriended, we shall now see what kind of people should be
befriended. Imam Jafar Sadiq (as) narrates, "Friendship entails certain
trusts and duties. Then the one who observes these obligations is a true
friend and the one who breaches this trust is unworthy of friendship. These
obligations are as follows;
1. He should be the same outside
as he is inside. In other words, he should not have a dual personality. (In
this age however, we often come across people who are exceptionally humble
and modest on the outside, with little, if any humility, on the inside)
2. He will consider your virtues
as his virtues and your misdeeds as his misdeeds. (In other words your virtues
will cheer him and your faults will grieve him. God forbid, he must not feel
relieved after observing some vice in you, and take solace from the fact that
he himself is above that vice.)
3. If he acquires a position of
power and authority, it must not bring about a drastic change in his
attitude. In other words, prosperity must not transform the individual
adversely. (There are some people who make the best of friends in adversity.
But a positive change in their financial condition reveals a dark, hitherto
unknown side of their personality. On the other hand we see some people who
make good friends in prosperity, but misfortune transforms them, disclosing
their fickleness.)
4. He must give his friendship
(with you) priority over all his worldly possessions. In other words in times
of adversity, he must be willing to give his all to redeem you.
5. He must never leave you alone
in times of misfortune and distress."
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Those that are
necessary like nourishment and you cannot live without them; those that are
like medicine and are beneficial, so you need them sometimes; and finally,
those that are like a sickness and you do not need them at all!
Prophet Muhammad (saw) has said,
"The believer is like a mirror to other believers (in
truthfulness)." Like a mirror, your friend gives you an honest image. He
forgives your mistakes, but does not hide or exaggerate your strengths and
weaknesses.
Once Prophet Muhammad (saw) was
asked, "What person can be the best friend?" "He who helps you
remember Allah (SWT), and reminds you when you forget Him," the Prophet
Muhammad (saw), counseled.
Imam Ali ibn Abi Talib (as) said:
"A friend cannot be considered a friend unless he is tested on three
occasions: in time of need, behind your back and after your death."
Imam Jafar Sadiq (as) also remarks, "My
best friend is the one who gifts me my weaknesses and shortcomings." In
other words one who brings to your notice your defects and flaws is indeed
your true friend.
However, there is one very
imperative point in the above-mentioned tradition of Imam Jafar Sadiq (as).
When one presents an offering to a close friend, he does so with utmost care,
not willing to overlook anything. He offers the gift with total respect and
regard. For, even the most valuable gift if not presented with correct
etiquette, can look very ordinary. While presenting the offering, the friend
tries to make the most expensive gift seem very ordinary so as to not
embarrass the recipient. On the other hand, the recipient of this gift tries
to make even the most ordinary gift seem very precious, so as to please his
friend. Similarly, when we wish to point out certain shortcomings to a
friend, we must do so with a degree of respect and sincerity. Our sole
intention must be to reform the friend and there should be no hint of any
malice and self-righteousness. Likewise, when a friend highlights for us, our
defects, we must acknowledge the same with respect and gratitude without any
ill will and hostility.
Imam Hassan Askari (as) Says:
"Those who advise their friend secretly are respecting them, and those who
advise them openly are humiliating them."
Indeed if we establish these as
the standards of friendship, the believers shall soon find themselves
enveloped with friends who will take them closer to Paradise and farther away
from the fire of hell.
Allah (SWT) says in the Noble
Qur'an: O you who believe! Take care of your souls; he who errs cannot hurt
you when you are on the right way; to Allah is your return, of all (of you),
so He will inform you of what you did. (Surah Al-Maeda, 5:105)
There are certain tips to remember
if you wish to keep a stable friendship.
Do not dispute with him and do not
be hostile to him.
Do not ridicule him. Do not
quarrel with him. Instead accord friends the respect they deserve.
Imam Hassan (as) Says:
"Befriend people in the same manner you would like them to befriend
you."
Do not hold him in contempt nor
consider him to be lower than you. Instead guard the honor of your friends
during their absence and after their death.
Do not claim precedence and
supremacy over him. Instead forgive the short-comings of your friends,
because everyone makes mistakes in life.
Do not crack indecent jokes
with him.
Finally, we ask Allah (SWT) to
make us of the righteous ones and give us companions that will take us away
from His Wrath and lead us to His Pleasure and Paradise..Ameen.. :)
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